Change of Heart

Today, I am kicking myself in the foot. Today grad school applications were due, and I didn't apply like I should've.

I was pretty pleased (and relaxed, looking forward to a calm future) about my decision to not do a masters. But then yesterday I had quite the change of heart.

I know I am good at writing. But I had been thinking, "I am good, but not great," "I am good, but not extraordinary," "I am good, but not good enough to go get a masters."

And then up pops this email in my account telling me that the faculty in my department has chosen me to receive the Outstanding Student Award for 2012 for Literary Studies. Along with this, they have nominated me to receive the Outstanding Student Award for the whole English department.

And the bonus: an attached file with flattering praises from all my past professors about why they think that I deserve this award, why my writing should be a model for all undergraduate literary criticism. Two of them even called me brilliant. I almost peed my pants. 

Okay, my ego is boosted. I am filled with confidence, and I want a masters. 

I emailed one of my professors last night who has an in with grad school applications.

I asked her if there was anything I could do to still apply for fall....... I'm still waiting.......